Why Oh Why

Why oh why! There's one thing people rarely noticed when holding a wedding party is: quality and quantity of the dish.

The wedding dish was supposed to be a major concern, food ranks first with a share of 30-40% of the total wedding cost. It's internationally accepted. Clothing and decorations may be simple, but the dish should be the best, you know. It would be the first topic of conversation after the party's over and people go home.

There are two wedding parties in this week that I attended, and the dish was disappointing and sloppy.

*phew!*

pict from here

The Truth Is...

She might not be thinking about you every second of the day,

but she gave you a part of her

that she knew you can break her heart.

So you shouldn't hurt her,

change her,

analyze her,

and didn't expect more than she could give.

pict from here

Still

I miss you

I miss your smile

And I still shed a tear

Every once in a while

And even though it's different now

You're still here somehow

My heart won't let you go

And I need you to know

I miss you

-Miley Cyrus, I Miss You-

somehow you still here...
pict from here

Again and Again

Voila! I Just wanna share this video with you, guys.
This' from my favorite local band Andra & The Backbone, Lagi dan Lagi.
I recently listened to this song every day and every time I'm writing.

Aku memang salah

Aku memang hina

Maafkanlah untuk semua

Karna kau memang tak pantas

Tersakiti lagi dan lagi….

Karna kulewati batas

Melukai lagi dan lagi

Suddenly I think that there should be someone who told me this.
No hard feeling ya.... ;)

Now Every Day

I miss the jokes, the laughter, the things we always share
pict from here

And then my soul saw you

and it kind of when

"Oh there you are. I've been looking for you"

But you said you didn't feel the same 

and make it a dream in vain.

Now every day I miss you

I fight back the urge

to text you or call you,

telling myself that if you wanted to talk to me,

you would

Talk to Me

pict from here

Talk to me as before.

We can not keep quiet and hope that time will erase everything.

We already share the dreams and hopes.

Can we continue although it is no longer a unity?

I just hope we will be fine.

You're fine.

I'm fine.

Then life will bring us to happiness.

I just want you to be happy.

I only know one way, you do not want it.

but whatever you want, I'm here to pray.

The Morning Talks

This is for you, Hazel Eyes, my old friend. Thank you for the conversation when you were driving and I was stuck in front of my lappy with badly mood all around my body this morning.

Thank you for listening to my unhappiness about that rumours. You said, "Hey I watched 'Hitam Putih Show' a few nights ago. There's a good quote from the show."
"What?" I asked.
"Just ignore all the bad news around you. Don't opponent and don't respond, because the law of sow-reap it's there."
"I thought so."
"Nah, you already know what to do. So just do it simply. Let it pass."

It's all just a simple conversation. But this morning when the drizzle made ​​me into a bad mood, I need someone who can talk to.

Talk. That's all I really need this morning. And voila! There he was...

So, I must say thanks again to you, mate. Thanks for the quote. Thanks for lending me your time to listen.

BTW, when we were in junior high school, you're not as wise as now. Is it the age-factor?
Hehehe....

I'm lonely just like the bike.
pict from here

So-Called Smart

After all of this, why I still love you?
pict from here

His friend told me that he thought I'm smart. He always said that I'm a smart girl.
"She's good at writing, she has extensive knowledge, she can assemble those wonderful words..."

Ah! Really? Is it true he considered me as great as it?
Geez! Look at me! It's him, playing game with my heart successfully, right?

Is it me, so-called smart girl?

Uhm, I don't think so.
Come on, man. You are the smart one :)

Mister Hazel Eyes

An old friend called me this afternoon. Just say hello. How I miss his voice! He said all of a sudden remembered me today when he saw some of his friends were reading my Falling Eve blog in their office.

He thought 'Hey, that's Fatty's blog!'
Then he took his cellphone and called me.
Geez! He call me Fatty as a nickname ! Look at yourself, man. You are the fat one.
(But you're always handsome too! ahahaha)

I miss you, Mr. Hazel Eyes. I miss the days we used to be.

The Old Friend

That afternoon I was amazed when reading the status of an old friend in YM. 'bidadari jatuh, aku rindu.' Fallen Angel, I miss you.

He was a young poet in Kalimantan, have long disappeared from cyberspace, and suddenly today he appears. Several years ago, we were good friends and often talk about literature and books. He's very idealistic, ambitious and diligent.

And he's adventurous. Truly adventurous.

Last year he was backpacking to Bulgaria alone and stay there for a month. Geez! I'm jealous as hell! I'm curious about the bulgarian after reading The Historian!


After his trip, he was always writing a book and published it by himself in his city. He had a small local publishing company in the city.

Next month, on December, he will go to Nederland, and next year on June, he invited me to go backpacking around Southeast Asia.

Oh oh! Just imagine the beautiful pagodas in Thailand and watching Miss Saigon opera in Vietnam! Kyaaaa, I want it! Hehehe... and of course, he is a fun travel mate because we both have interest in historical objects. It's like backpacking with my friend Ari in Jogja, or with Ridwan, my best friend in Cirebon.

I said insya Allah then. We still dunno what will happen until June, right?

Anyway thanks God... he didn't ask me 'do you miss me too?' Because I don't have an answer at all :)

pict from here

I Feel Guilty

Oh dear, you make me feel guilty, you know! I told you: mean it now. Don't play around anymore. you said you were serious. But see now, what had happened.

Sorry if I kept my distance last days. I just don't like your friend insulted me. She interfered in our affairs that she didn't know. Even now I still don't like her. She's just a little girl who don't have manners.

But I still care about you, brotha. Still you are my little brotha. You can just make people think you're fake, and they may believe in your stupid charade. But I don't. I know you better than them. I thought, she didn't believe too. She was hurt by your ridiculous way.

I was thinking maybe you're really fake. Then I remembered the days of our friendship since many years ago. I would know if you're a fake. In fact I knew you're just a man who is too dependent on the love story of your life.

Last day she asked me why I didn't tell her more about you.
But what can I say other than just a reminder to be careful with her ​​feelings?

You're also my friend. Entrust a lot of things, many secrets to me. Trust me as your elder sister and I trust you too. I can't tell bad things about a friend to another friend so they hate each other. Anyway I'm not sure it will affects the two lovebirds who are madly in love. One thing that will happen is you both will hate me.

Today I'm worried about you. I know what you can do when you're upset. Keep your heart stays cool, please. Okay?

Just take care.
I just want you to know, I'm always here if you need someone to share.

The Broken Fairy Tale

One day I warned you, dear ... but you did not hear. At that time you were intoxicated by romance, desperately in love. I wrote about a friend, but wish you could take a lesson. But what happened was a misunderstanding and your friend intimidated me with cynical comments that made me upset.

Oh of course I'm not psychic. I'm just someone who is sometimes given a hunch about something. There are some feelings that often warns me of my own story and I ignored. Exactly I'm not God, nor a holy angel who is free from prejudices. But you must know, I care. I care about you with all my heart.

Then I move away, because I knew I was out of your circle. I can't interfere. I've warned you, though you didn't hear it. I thought I've done my duty as a friend.

Honestly, this is what I feared. 'Coz from the beginning I know you're fragile and easily swayed. In fact we're both the same, but no one ever warned me. Otherwise you got me, who sent a signal alert.

I care about both of you, dear. You two are my friends. You said you adore me, hey I adore you too.

I've warned him not to play, I've warned you to be careful. I could not do more than that. Because friendship makes me unable to open more bad things that I know.

Forgive me, okay ... I didn't think the story ends with that ridiculous way. At the time I should have grabbed your hand and force you to end your feelings. But who could be?

Oh I'm sad! So sad! I'm feeling guilty and so sorry why did you give up and choose to forget. Why didn't you investigate the truth, perhaps this is just a phase to understand each other better? Ah, but I didn't know the whole story and it's your choice.

By the way, I never hated you. Maybe I was just disappointed because you didn't listen to me. I probably don't want to add to misunderstandings and sarcastic comments on my blog.

Back as friend? you asked me that night.
No way. we're always be, right? :)

*hugs*

Urgent

My cellphone rang. It was a confusing news. A frantic and confused person on the other side.
What can I do but gave my hand to her? Something must be done. clarified. Should be completed tomorrow.

Aah, it's good to feel useful again!

pict from here

You Will Understand One Day

: you

You lose your sleep at nights

Morning sun refuses to rise

Your eyes get stuck at a point in the ceiling

A ringing starts in your ears, maddening

Neither the bed sheet understands, nor the pillow

The light you wait for does not enter through your windows

You turn to your bed and cry for your helplessness

The memory that you can't forget fills inside you

As if you took a deep breath from your cigarette

You will understand one day what it means to love

One thay, you will understand that everything is actually vain

Honor, virtue, goodness, beauty

A day comes when you hit your head to the cold stone walls

Just to hear that voice only once

The hurt and brokenness in your feelings grow and grow

You feel

Deep inside the pain of being desperate

You will understand one day what it means to love

One day, you will understand what your hands are for

What you were created for

Why you came to this disgusting world

You watch your beauty in the mirrors, with no hurry

And you feel the pain of those years that passed by in vain

Your eyes get wet, you feel grieved

You will understand one day what it means to love

One day, you will understand the taste of the loved lips

You will understand how out of reach the loved eyes are

When that totally unexpected time comes

You hair falls on your eyes, but white

Your hands try to reach the sky

But desperate

But tired

But exhausted

One day, you sleep towards the past

And the painful truths line up one after another

You will understand one day what it means to love

One day, you will understand to dream

To wait

To hope

Like a dirty shirt, you want to take off and throw away

The fearful night wrapping your hole body

You curse that you live

You tear apart and throw away whatever you have left from the past

Then, a flower grows on my grave, by itself

That day, you will understand that I love you

............................

It was translated from a Turkish poem "Bir Gün Anlarsın", by Ümit Yaşar Oğuzcan. By the way, I adore the poems of Baba Ümit. It was as if he understood your heart's content and write it into a poem.


love,

Growing Sorrow

Easy to say forget, tell me about it!

I can't forget, see I can't forget

There is something here, inside of me, that overwhelms me

Here right over my heart

There is something stay nailed

It is beyond my control, I can't take it out

My eyes are getting lost, with looking fars

Whoever I see, it looks like you some

It makes me remind you, that cloud, that sky

That sea beats the rocks

That sad melody, that 'napoliten' song

That sometimes we used to listen together

I think of you always, without a stop, without getting tired

However, days are not those days

Nights are not those nights

And its your yearning that remains only in the nights

I grow you inside of me, with thinking and thinking

Growing sorrow with you

New and new grieves I grow, unbearable

Dirty waters are passing through my narrows

A poison is mixing into my blood, do you understand me?

One more time I see you, I wish, one more time

For one day, even for one minute

Easy to say forget, tell me about it

I cant hold my tears, while I remember

You, over my tongue

You, inside of my head

Are you destiny, cradle? Who are you?

I can't forget, see I can't forget

-translate from a Turkish poem "Unutamiyorum (I Can't Forget)" by Ümit Yaşar Oğuzcan-

............

My friend Lita said she hated to see me behave like this. She said 'it's not u, a person I always adore. Enough to mourn. You deserve better.' I know. I also hate the way I am. But it doesn't mean I didn't try. This is me. Writing. Recovering.

My sadness wasn't just because of one thing, but the accumulation of many things. Those made me arrive at the point of hating myself.

These people .... why do they always see me from a worldly point of view, from the standpoint that they want? Why do they never look deep into my heart, because that is where I really was?

I was supposed to be a stone
drowned in the pond
observe the world from darkness
between water, algae and plankton in the surface
Being stone
As simple as that

Thank you, Lita dear. Don't worry about me. I just need a little more time to convince myself that this wasn't my fault...


love,