Urgent

My cellphone rang. It was a confusing news. A frantic and confused person on the other side.
What can I do but gave my hand to her? Something must be done. clarified. Should be completed tomorrow.

Aah, it's good to feel useful again!

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You Will Understand One Day

: you

You lose your sleep at nights

Morning sun refuses to rise

Your eyes get stuck at a point in the ceiling

A ringing starts in your ears, maddening

Neither the bed sheet understands, nor the pillow

The light you wait for does not enter through your windows

You turn to your bed and cry for your helplessness

The memory that you can't forget fills inside you

As if you took a deep breath from your cigarette

You will understand one day what it means to love

One thay, you will understand that everything is actually vain

Honor, virtue, goodness, beauty

A day comes when you hit your head to the cold stone walls

Just to hear that voice only once

The hurt and brokenness in your feelings grow and grow

You feel

Deep inside the pain of being desperate

You will understand one day what it means to love

One day, you will understand what your hands are for

What you were created for

Why you came to this disgusting world

You watch your beauty in the mirrors, with no hurry

And you feel the pain of those years that passed by in vain

Your eyes get wet, you feel grieved

You will understand one day what it means to love

One day, you will understand the taste of the loved lips

You will understand how out of reach the loved eyes are

When that totally unexpected time comes

You hair falls on your eyes, but white

Your hands try to reach the sky

But desperate

But tired

But exhausted

One day, you sleep towards the past

And the painful truths line up one after another

You will understand one day what it means to love

One day, you will understand to dream

To wait

To hope

Like a dirty shirt, you want to take off and throw away

The fearful night wrapping your hole body

You curse that you live

You tear apart and throw away whatever you have left from the past

Then, a flower grows on my grave, by itself

That day, you will understand that I love you

............................

It was translated from a Turkish poem "Bir Gün Anlarsın", by Ümit Yaşar Oğuzcan. By the way, I adore the poems of Baba Ümit. It was as if he understood your heart's content and write it into a poem.


love,

Growing Sorrow

Easy to say forget, tell me about it!

I can't forget, see I can't forget

There is something here, inside of me, that overwhelms me

Here right over my heart

There is something stay nailed

It is beyond my control, I can't take it out

My eyes are getting lost, with looking fars

Whoever I see, it looks like you some

It makes me remind you, that cloud, that sky

That sea beats the rocks

That sad melody, that 'napoliten' song

That sometimes we used to listen together

I think of you always, without a stop, without getting tired

However, days are not those days

Nights are not those nights

And its your yearning that remains only in the nights

I grow you inside of me, with thinking and thinking

Growing sorrow with you

New and new grieves I grow, unbearable

Dirty waters are passing through my narrows

A poison is mixing into my blood, do you understand me?

One more time I see you, I wish, one more time

For one day, even for one minute

Easy to say forget, tell me about it

I cant hold my tears, while I remember

You, over my tongue

You, inside of my head

Are you destiny, cradle? Who are you?

I can't forget, see I can't forget

-translate from a Turkish poem "Unutamiyorum (I Can't Forget)" by Ümit Yaşar Oğuzcan-

............

My friend Lita said she hated to see me behave like this. She said 'it's not u, a person I always adore. Enough to mourn. You deserve better.' I know. I also hate the way I am. But it doesn't mean I didn't try. This is me. Writing. Recovering.

My sadness wasn't just because of one thing, but the accumulation of many things. Those made me arrive at the point of hating myself.

These people .... why do they always see me from a worldly point of view, from the standpoint that they want? Why do they never look deep into my heart, because that is where I really was?

I was supposed to be a stone
drowned in the pond
observe the world from darkness
between water, algae and plankton in the surface
Being stone
As simple as that

Thank you, Lita dear. Don't worry about me. I just need a little more time to convince myself that this wasn't my fault...


love,

On My Lonely Mind

I miss you... 
It's hard to forget when there is such an empty space on my lonely mind.
Maybe you're tryna forget me. But I'm sorry, I can't fight this feeling....

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Afraid

Again and again, however we know the landscape of love

and the little churchyard there, with its sorrowing names,

and the frighteningly silent abyss into which the others

fall: again and again the two of us walk out together

under the ancient trees, lie down again and again

among the flowers, face to face with the sky.

-Rainer Maria Rilke-

Now after that afternoon. Under the shadow of the temple and ancient trees, when I saw you sat near me, refrained from leaning on your back... I'm afraid of loosing you.

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