Growing Sorrow

Easy to say forget, tell me about it!

I can't forget, see I can't forget

There is something here, inside of me, that overwhelms me

Here right over my heart

There is something stay nailed

It is beyond my control, I can't take it out

My eyes are getting lost, with looking fars

Whoever I see, it looks like you some

It makes me remind you, that cloud, that sky

That sea beats the rocks

That sad melody, that 'napoliten' song

That sometimes we used to listen together

I think of you always, without a stop, without getting tired

However, days are not those days

Nights are not those nights

And its your yearning that remains only in the nights

I grow you inside of me, with thinking and thinking

Growing sorrow with you

New and new grieves I grow, unbearable

Dirty waters are passing through my narrows

A poison is mixing into my blood, do you understand me?

One more time I see you, I wish, one more time

For one day, even for one minute

Easy to say forget, tell me about it

I cant hold my tears, while I remember

You, over my tongue

You, inside of my head

Are you destiny, cradle? Who are you?

I can't forget, see I can't forget

-translate from a Turkish poem "Unutamiyorum (I Can't Forget)" by Ümit Yaşar Oğuzcan-

............

My friend Lita said she hated to see me behave like this. She said 'it's not u, a person I always adore. Enough to mourn. You deserve better.' I know. I also hate the way I am. But it doesn't mean I didn't try. This is me. Writing. Recovering.

My sadness wasn't just because of one thing, but the accumulation of many things. Those made me arrive at the point of hating myself.

These people .... why do they always see me from a worldly point of view, from the standpoint that they want? Why do they never look deep into my heart, because that is where I really was?

I was supposed to be a stone
drowned in the pond
observe the world from darkness
between water, algae and plankton in the surface
Being stone
As simple as that

Thank you, Lita dear. Don't worry about me. I just need a little more time to convince myself that this wasn't my fault...


love,